release

There will be no stupid April Fools Day jokes on this site today. That is all.
(Mainly because all the good domain names are taken.)

Justice Bedford:
After all, how many cases can be summarized by the Los Angeles Daily Journal as, “Government’s approval of ski resort to use recycled sewage effluent to make artificial snow on San Francisco Peaks violates Religious Freedom Restoration Act”?
That’s not even the good part.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Florida lawyer Michael Alex Wasylik announced that he has filed suit today in U.S. District Court in Tampa against Chicago-based web application firm 37Signals. The suit alleges trademark infringement of the Perpetual Beta name and seeks damages in the amount of 13 signals - just over one-third of the [...]

Via Dan: Weightshift’s SXSW Recap in Infographic Form

Watching Monday’s Colbert Report, I couldn’t help but notice that Tennessee’s Congressman Steve Cohen bears a striking resemblance to a better-known representative of the dead.

Double Dagger would be an apt and sinister name for an edgy design shop, font foundry, or squad of assassins for hire.
Too bad it’s taken.

My partner just made a bag of microwave popcorn, and its foul vapors have permeated every cubic inch of the office. My windows are flung wide, my door closed, to keep the smell out, and I think I might run out to buy some incense.
It’s like a negative contact high.
Where are my matches?

I was going to stop, really I was. But I couldn’t pass this up:
Winning two national championships in nine months probably makes making out with a fat girl not so bad. At least as long as your fingers don’t get lost in the arm fat. Gross. Having said all this, if Tim Tebow were [...]

Found on today’s New York Times:

The jokes, they write themselves. Seriously, can’t you think of your own fart joke?

Overly depressed by the notion of a Speaker Pelosi or a Majority Leader Reid? The Onion has the cure for what ails ya’.
Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks: In January, Frito-Lay will launch a Flat Earth marketing campaign based on the slogan, ‘Bet You Can’t Eat Even One.’
And it’s organic, [...]

Jonah:
I for one welcome our new Democratic overlords.
The joke was inevitable.

Scott McClellan never would have said this:
Senior aides to Mr. Bush scoffed at suggestions that the announcement of the verdict had somehow been orchestrated by the White House.
“Are you smoking rope?” Tony Snow, the White House spokesman, said Saturday in anticipation of the verdict. “Are you telling me that in Iraq, that they’re sitting around [...]

So, anyone got some bootleg copies of Snakes on a Plane?
Oh, wait, wrong kind of pirate. And this shirt would still be a great gift for me (size XXL, pelase).

In this day and age, many courts issue their orders electronically, and most lawyers have access to the online public records, which means that when a judge does something unusual, the e-mail chain spreads it quickly. This one just landed in my email box.
Wednesday, a federal judge in Orlando, Gregory Presnell, ordered the lawyers [...]

The Thing In The Crib, via Jeff:

I edged open the door of the darkened chamber with trepidation. The stench of human effluvia was overpowering. The light from the portal fell upon a raised cage of ancient wood, not quite square, and decorated with icons of some lost tribe that worshipped beasts. The sigils celebrated the [...]

The arguments on ForgiveTaxCheats.com sound suspiciously like some arguments making the rounds on other issues of note lately…

Ever heard the expression “don’t throw good money after bad”? Well that’s exactly what the IRS enforcement is. It’s a losing proposition and the prospect of an IRS audit deters tax cheats about as much as the death [...]

I just got e-mail pitching various medications from a dude named “Interstellar D. Sawdust.” Isn’t that what became of Alderaan?

Can of Worms Announces the “When will Katherine Harris Quit Pool”:
Because nearly everyone on her team has quit and now even the Tampa Tribune thinks she is crazy and she is probably in the office by herself by now, I would like to start a pool picking the date within the next 2 months that [...]

We all know that Cynthia McKinney is a raving loon. The fact that she’s a Member of Congress (again!) troubles me only a bit, because even the clinically insane, paranoid, and racist are entitled to have representation in Congress, and why not one of their own? Besides, if you took the nutjobs and [...]

Someone is waaaaay too much into his inkjet printer:

Just now, I was doing some full-duplex (2-sided) printing of some SXSW information. I was watching the paper come out, pleased at how well the printer works, and then it sucked the paper back in! It made a kind of “hmm” noise, and then it somehow flipped [...]