A few years ago, I was concerned that Apple wanted to boil the planet’s oceans by including the ZFS file system in a future release of OS X.

(I know that saying “ZFS file system” is like saying “ATM machine.” Not everyone knows what ZFS stands for; get over it.)

Apple has apparently reversed that decision, and thanks to Gruber, I found some speculation as to why. Unfortunately, the Gerbarg piece is totally devoid of the Armageddon theory.

So how come I never met this guy? He lives in Florida, is an FSU fan, a Mac user, and a Halo player. I’m sure we’d get along famously.

My Orlando friends have some ‘splainin to do.

So I just went to the Apple Store to play with the demos. Some observations:

1. As one who loves to surf the web from anywhere on my Treo, I could get seriously enamored with the slick it’s-the-real-internet of the iPhone. Wow.
2. They’re flying off the shelves. This could be bigger than the iPod. Note to self: buy AT&T stock, even though they suck.
3. The demos in the store had already been activated. I’ve got two phone numbers for excellent prank-calling opportunities.

Yeah, the iPhone is another home run of Apple. Once that nasty AT&T contract expires, I’m totally down for one.

UPDATE: Ernie really likes his: Hallelujeah! Praise the Lord, Allah, and Steve Jobs. It’s now time to kill the fatted calf. The prodigal son has safely returned to his data warehouse.

ZFS. Sounds innocuous, doesn’t it? But when Daring Fireball reported that Apple’s OS X 10.5, code-named Leopard, would include support the new file system, I had to do some poking around. Turns out that this method of storing your computer files will bring about Armageddon.

Don’t believe me? Just look:

ZFS is a 128-bit file system, which means it can store 18 billion billion (18.4 × 1018) times more data than current 64-bit systems. The limitations of ZFS are designed to be so large that they will never be encountered in practice. Project leader Bonwick said, “Populating 128-bit file systems would exceed the quantum limits of earth-based storage. You couldn’t fill a 128-bit storage pool without boiling the oceans.”

Boiling the oceans? Holy crap! That’s got to be hyperbole, right? Just an off the cuff remark? Nope. Turns out it’s more like a British-style understatement. Bonwick later elaborated:

Although we’d all like Moore’s Law to continue forever, quantum mechanics imposes some fundamental limits on the computation rate and information capacity of any physical device. In particular, it has been shown that 1 kilogram of matter confined to 1 liter of space can perform at most 10⁵¹ operations per second on at most 10³¹ bits of information [see Seth Lloyd, "Ultimate physical limits to computation." Nature 406, 1047-1054 (2000)]. A fully populated 128-bit storage pool would contain 2¹²⁸ blocks = 2¹³⁷ bytes = 2¹⁴⁰ bits; therefore the minimum mass required to hold the bits would be (2¹⁴⁰ bits) / (10³¹ bits/kg) = 136 billion kg.

To operate at the 10³¹ bits/kg limit, however, the entire mass of the computer must be in the form of pure energy. By E=mc², the rest energy of 136 billion kg is 1.2×10²⁸ J. The mass of the oceans is about 1.4×10²¹ kg. It takes about 4,000 J to raise the temperature of 1 kg of water by 1 degree Celsius, and thus about 400,000 J to heat 1 kg of water from freezing to boiling. The latent heat of vaporization adds another 2 million J/kg. Thus the energy required to boil the oceans is about 2.4×10⁶ J/kg * 1.4×10²¹ kg = 3.4×10²⁷ J. Thus, fully populating a 128-bit storage pool would, literally, require more energy than boiling the oceans.

Look, math is the reason I went to law school instead of doing anything that requires real brains. But this guy is saying that stuffing too much information in this file system will not only boil the oceans, it will leave us with plenty of leftover heat to spare.

Break out the marshmallows – it’s time for a great big ‘Smore!

I think running Windows on an Apple machine is tantamount to desecration. Andrew Kantor of USA Today thinks it’s a market-share opportunity for Microsoft. I use the word “thinks” very lightly:

But the notion put forward by some Mac folks — that Boot Camp will improve the Mac’s position in the business and gaming marketplace — is backward. Instead, it’s more likely to convince Mac users to switch to Windows once they’ve used it long enough to be deprogrammed.

MacWorld’s Jason Snell thoroughly rebuts Kantor.

Andrew Kantor is a technology writer, pundit, and know-it-all.

I can think of a few other items to add to that list, but what do I know? I’m just another crazy cultist who needs to be deprogrammed.

And Kantor is an intellect ranking even lower on the scale than Dvorak.

Oh, no. Tom’s MacBook Pro is a lemon, and the repair tools that shipped with it aren’t Intel-Book compatible.

This has got to be a real bummer for Tom, since I know how much he was looking forward to Lysander’s arrival. Things like this are inevitable with such a major shift in the product line, and a very good reason to wait until the second iteration of a new release before making a purchase.

Apple periodically likes to pay lip service to the idea that some law firms use Macs instead of Windows-based systems. Their recent highlight of an Atlanta firm underscores why more attorneys have resisted switching:

…the firm administrator at Gaslowitz Frankel (and Adam and Michael’s sister) collects attorneys’ billable hours and, without leaving her iMac G5, enters their time into a PC-based program called Time Slips running on a Dell server.

Thanks to the cross-platform file and print services built into Mac OS X Server, Cheryl can complete her work seamlessly. Using her iMac G5, Gaslowitz simply mouses over the dock at the bottom of her screen, clicks on the Remote Desktop icon, enters a password, and instantly connects to the Windows server. I open Time Slips, she says, and enter attorney time. That’s as easy as it gets.

That’s right – Apple is trumpeting the fact that this firm can easily log into a Dell server to use billing software. The stock in trade of almost every attorney is the billable hour, and the importance of collecting, tracking, and reporting those billed hours cannot be underestimated. That is why these lawyers require a Dell server to manage one functions most critical to their firm – because no one makes software that does the job the way these lawyers need it to be done. the makers of legal billing software don’t support Apple because it’s too small a market share and they don’t want to invest even the minimal effort it would require to port their software to Mac. The major companies that used to support both – such as Sage Software, makers of TimeSlips – have abandoned the platform altogether.

Even the Windows-based software isn’t great. I’ve used most of the major programs, and the usability ranges from mediocre to abominable. This is where the opportunity comes in. Apple should take some of the money it’s been making from iPod sales and buy a large interest in one of the market-leading publishers of legal billing software – Sage probably wouldn’t be a bad choice. First, they need to ensure that at least one popular legal billing software package supports the Apple platform. Second, they need to rebuild it from the ground up, with an emphasis on giving the whole thing Apple’s trademark usability – especially for Windows users.

Once that is done, it’s time to re-deploy the strategy Apple used with iTunes. By creating a high-quality user experience for Windows and Apple users alike, Apple won some converts and increased the likelihood that Windows users would at least consider Apple for their next major computer purchase. Imagine what would happen if Apple developed a clear leader for the one piece of software that every lawyer needs.

First, by making sure that Apple-using lawyers can track and bill their time with quality software, they will remove one of the biggest obstacles many lawyers face when switching. Second, by making that software available for Windows, they help reassure those users that Apple products are suitable for professional use. Third, it would ease the prospective transition for those firms that do decide to make the switch, porting their billing data from the Windows version of the software to the Mac version would be virtually seamless.

Right now, lawyers who want to use Macs can find industry-standard word processors, e-mail clients, spreadsheets, web browsers, calendar and contact management, and just about anything else they need. But industry-standard billing software is a great gaping void. If Apple ever wants to make a serious play for the legal community, instead of just a PR play, they’d make it easier for lawyers to make money.

How is it possible that someone like John Dvorak has been writing a nationally-published computer column for decades when he produces such totally indefensible intellectual fluff?

Will Apple Adopt Windows?

Bigger companies than Apple have dropped their proprietary OSs in favor of Windows—think IBM and OS/2. IBM also jumped on the Linux bandwagon over its own AIX version of Unix. Business eventually trumps sentimentality in any large company.

Has Dvorak ever met anyone who uses a Mac, or seen one, or used one himself? Running Windows on Apple hardware is like… is like… well, I’ve already said it.

Windows. Seriously. Running Windows on an Apple machine is like going to Morton’s and asking for A-1 sauce.

It’s like painting “Hello Kitty” on your Ferrari.*

It’s like drawing a feces mustache on the Mona Lisa.

It’s like mixing Coke in your 1787 Chateau Lafite.

It’s like asking John Wayne Gacy to babysit the kids.

I’ll stop now. But really… it’s a bad idea.

* (Good Lord, I didn’t know that someone had actually done that until I Googled it.)

It would be like having Dvorak write a column for your nationally published computer magazine.

Others have done a much better job than I could of summing up today’s news about the new Intel-based Mac hardware, so I’ll just nod vaguely in Cupertino’s direction and go about my day.

Except for this.

It’ll run Windows. We think we’re in love.

Windows. Seriously. Running Windows on an Apple machine is like going to Morton’s and asking for A-1 sauce.

It’s like painting “Hello Kitty” on your Ferrari.*

It’s like drawing a feces mustache on the Mona Lisa.

It’s like mixing Coke in your 1787 Chateau Lafite.

It’s like asking John Wayne Gacy to babysit the kids.

I’ll stop now. But really… it’s a bad idea.

* (Good Lord, I didn’t know that someone had actually done that until I Googled it.)

The Apple Store takes a smoke break during the Steve Jobs keynote.

For those of you who just got your first Apple product – a shiny new iPod or PowerBook – for Christmas, but aren’t yet totally familiar with all that Mac culture has to offer, let Tom tell you what this week’s MacWorld Keynote is all about. As iVangelists go, there are few finer than Tom.

My good friend Tom, guru of all things Apple, has left his job in the non-profit sector to set about on matters that are decidely for profit. Tom is now officially “Open For Business.”

I am available for jobs large and small at rates that are fair and affordable. My partner and I have over 20 years of experience in Mac systems administration and are glad to bring our skills to bear on your project. We are both Apple certified, and have significant experience with all of Apple’s Pro Suite, as well as the new Xserves and Xserve RAID. We are currently providing full 24/7 support for the greater DC area, and we’ll be glad to provide telephone/IM/email support for the world at large. In addition to our systems administration services, we also offer consultation on office build-out, including telephony and data circuit provisioning, as well as office wiring and wireless provisioning as well.

If you’ve got Apple products in your business, small or large, I would highly recommend Tom as the guy who can hook you up with everything you need to squeeze every last bit of productivity out of your set-up. Before he broke out on his own, he was the unofficial remote IT department for my law firm, and when I can squeeze the dimes out of the budget, we’ll be calling him to deploy a n XServe and PowerBook based law office. Drop Tom an Instant Message or email:

tom ]at[ technolutionary.com

You won’t regret it.

When I code up a new web page, I frequently rely on the world’s largest repository of CSS reference materials – tha Intarweb. This evening I was Googling for techniques on using CSS to pin a footer at the bottom of a web page, I stumbled across the following article at, of all godforsaken places, Apple’s Developer site:

Another common problem with CSS is ensuring a proper page footer. On long pages that use more space than the window height, the footer should appear directly below the navigation and content blocks. That’s very easy to code. On short pages, though—those that span only part of the window height—the footer should nonetheless appear at the bottom of the viewport, and that’s a far trickier code challenge… Ensuring that the footer works properly on both long and short pages is a common cause of CSS headache.

Tables neatly solve these two problems. Correct horizontal alignment has been the most important advantage of tables ever since Mosaic. Giving the table a height: 100% and the cell containing the footer a vertical-align: bottom makes the footer reliable in all circumstances.

(Emphasis mine).

Oh, for the love of Netscape 4.x! This may have been true back when KISS was still touring but in the modern day, if the solution to your problem involves using a table for layout, you’ve just got more problems.

To check out when I next upgrade my iPod: handbrake. (Tip o’ the pirate’s hat to George).