01/04/00

Putting the "Home" Back in "Home Invasion"

DING DONG.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm from the government and I'm here to help!"

"Uhhh... what?"

"Your employer reported to us that you've been authorized to work at home, is that correct?"

"Look, I don't really have time... I've got to get some work done-"

"Ah, good, that's a yes. All right, then, step aside and show me the workplace."

"Oh, all right... my office is right back here. You can take a quick look and go."

"I'm sorry, sir, federal law requires me to make a full inspection. Under the Occupational Safety and Health Act, your home office is a federally-regulated workplace and I must ensure that there are no violations on the premises."

"What? This is my home. I live here. Get out."

"Not until I've finished my inspection. Hmmm. Where does this plug lead? Power strip? I'm afraid that's a violation. Overloaded wiring, you know. This isn't an ergonomic keyboard, and this chair must be hell on your back. That's two more citations."

"I can't believe this. If you start fining my boss for letting me work at home, he'll make me commute again!"

"Like I said, I'm just here for your safety. Can you show me the designated employee break area?"

"The what?"

"Where is the designated area for employees to take breaks?"

"You mean my kitchen?"

"Exactly. Oh, there it is. This dishwashing soap - you know you're not supposed to drink that, right?"

"Of course I know."

"Good - then I can just let you off with a warning. That's got to be labeled, you know, as a hazardous workplace chemical. Those knives, though - you can't just leave them laying around. That's a cite."

"This is my kitchen! I live here!"

"Where is the employee restroom facility?"

"You want to see my bathroom? No. No! Get out!"

SLAM!

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